Without You
by Moon's-Wing
Summary: 'It's easy to loose track of time when you're surrounded by steel bars and cold stone, if one cared enough to do so. After nearly screaming himself mute, Levi couldn't help but wonder if Eren had any of the times he'd been down here.'


A/N: Inspired by a comic on tumblr that is linked on my profile, I do suggest looking it at first. You can understand what's going on without, it, but don't. I would describe it here, but really wouldn't do it any justice. Check the link. Trust me.

Also, warnings for character death.

* * *

Levi had to be quarantined.

Still in uniform, still shaking, still yelling at a little shit that that couldn't hear him any more… How could Eren do that to him? First refusing to run away, then denying him the only thing that could possibly bring him solace after his lover's death.

So selfish.

It's easy to loose track of time when you're surrounded by steel bars and cold stone, if one cared enough to do so. After nearly screaming himself mute, Levi couldn't help but wonder if Eren had any of the times he'd been down here.

Erwin had the audacity to come down then, probably figuring his best bet was when the corporal couldn't bite back. "I know you don't like or want anything about this, Levi," he calmly spoke, even squatting down to the other's collapsed level through the bars. "But you know Eren wants you to keep going."

All Levi could spare him was a tearful gaze made of ice.

Only Erwin-fucking-Smith could remain unfazed by it. "You know I'm right," he said only, and took his leave from him.

Levi did know Erwin was right. What he didn't know was how he was supposed to go on living among people who had cheered so loudly when they'd beheaded the one who was most important to him in this world.

He sat there for days, not eating or acknowledging anyone, not even Hanji when the idiot tried to make him smile.

There was only one answer- he couldn't. But at this point, he'd also gained enough of his sanity back to know Eren would be disappointed if he went through and killed himself.

That left only one option.

Inhaling deeply, he stood, unbuckling his harness. Two little pins held the small wrap around the middle.

The guard was asleep. Amateur. Leaving the dungeon behind was too easy.

It was night now, hardly a soul out on the streets, most of them inside still fucking celebrating.

The barracks weren't far, but he still passed several alleyways Eren had pulled him into when the horny brat couldn't keep it in his pants. The brunette never seemed to realized just how lucky they were not to be caught.

Once back in his (and Eren's) room, rest of the uniform went and was replaced by civilian clothes, took only a few things, and went to saddle his horse.

The sable boy recognized him. "C-Corporal Levi, it's good to see you again."

He didn't respond, seeing to his horse.

"Corporal Levi, they did _let _you out, right?"

He used his voice for the first time in days, keeping it low, mindful of that fact. "What, exactly, are you going to do if they didn't?"

Guess he was going to find out- the kid took off. Sighing, he strapped the harness and saddle on the animal more quickly. There was still once more stop to make, and as much as he need to leave, he wasn't before he did.

The douche bags had gotten one thing right: Eren deserved every last respect he received- a proper stone with name and rank clearly chiseled into it, filled with flowers. Levi dismounted, legs unsteady, almost immediately collapsing to his knees in front of it, in front of his lover's buried body.

"I had a feeling you wouldn't be going anywhere before stopping here."

Erwin. Fucking. Smith.

"You here to drag me back?" Levi drawled, the epitome of disinterested, not even turning to look at him.

"No. If you feel you can't stay here, I'm not going to force you. You were just locked up because we didn't want you to try to harm yourself again. I can hope you'll eventually come back, unlikely though it seems now."

"I never want to see any of you again." The squad used to tease them, Humanity's Strongest and Humanity's Last Hope, saying even the people knew they were meant for each other.

He swallowed the sob before it escaped.

Erwin was still talking. "The first group's going to be heading out two days from now."

"Which direction?"

"North."

"…Thank you." Without another word, purposefully avoiding his gaze settling on the other man, Levi mounted his horse again, leaving the three walls behind, heading east.

* * *

About midday he realized it had been about a week since he'd last eaten. But going around stuffing unknown shit in your mouth wasn't very smart. He actually found himself wanting Hanji's- wait. Animals had good instincts. They just knew when shit was going to kill you. So when the horse stopped by a bush of berries and started chewing, he reached for a fistful himself.

"Oh, please don't," a familiar tone pleaded with him. "You'll be throwing up for days."

Grinding his teeth, cold steel eyes turned to the blonde. "Erwin have you follow me, Arlert?"

"No," he replied simply, still on a mount of his own. Little shit had certainly grown a pair over the years, voice steady and looking him dead-on. "Eren said not to let you out of my sight."

"For how long a period?" The shit really had thought of everything.

Armin shrugged. "He didn't specify, actually. But it's clear you shouldn't be on your own. I can show you what's okay to eat, at least."

"What about that girlfriend of yours? She's okay with that?"

"Annie? She completely understands."

"…As long as the other one isn't with you," the other man finally sighed.

"I mean no offense, but I don't think I could've paid her to."

"None taken." While good in combat, in any other situation with the two of them really wasn't… friendly. "How do you know where to find food without side effects?" Levi asked, monotone, getting back on the stallion.

"I don't know where, I just know what."

"Well then, how do you know what?"

"My grandpa had a collection of books he wasn't supposed to. I memorized most of them."

"…Ah."

"I did bring some rations with me, if you like."

"…Better than nothing."

* * *

There was worse company than Armin Arlert. He knew when to voice something that was actually interesting or useful, knew when to shut up…

And knew not to say a damn thing when Levi woke in the middle of the night screaming, gasping Eren's name.

But the inevitable night came almost a month in, that the day his lover had been slaughtered on display -the didn't even have the decency to do it in private- replayed in Levi's head as if the day had repeated itself. The eerie calm the two shared, the corporal because he knew he wouldn't live past this day, Eren because he knew his lover would, and he just _swore _he felt the other's fingers lightly entangled in his own…

The guillotine fell. The bullet didn't fly, and Levi was cussing out Eren all over again for having the audacity to force him to live.

Lance Corporal Levi, Humanity's Strongest Solider, breakdown sobbing against a man half his age he barely knew because he had no one else, there was no one else, and fuck Eren for having that kind of foresight, knowing he'd leave, that there'd be no one here.

Armin didn't say a word- not while the older man sobbed himself back to sleep not when he woke up the next morning, still practically in his lap. They just went through their morning routines, saddled the horses, and continued east.

But that morning was different. Almost three hours in, a small village started coming into view. A village with no walls. Amazing. Levi stopped his horse.

"Your orders, Sir?"

And then he realized it. Armin hadn't addressed him directly once. Not 'corporal' or 'sir' or even by name. Not once. Something must have changed in him, and as he thought it, realized something had. He felt… not lighter, but less burdened.

Less hate.

He stared at the people.

"Sir?" Armin tried again.

"I've been wondering if Hanji's managed to blow up all three walls yet, unintentionally or otherwise," the older man stated suddenly.

A light smile played the blonde's lips before he replied, "I believe their deconstruction was put to that squad, Sir."

"I'm not surprised."

"So then, we're to return? Find out?"

"Yeah. Let's go back." He still wasn't sure he could call it 'home' without Eren, but maybe this was enough.

Maybe even, he could sty locked up with Hanji in the lab until he could stop looking at people like he used to look at titans.

* * *

It was absurdly… normal.

The city was continuing on like it hadn't missed a step, like titans had never existed.

Like they hadn't killed off the center of his world.

Levi pulled his hood over his head.

"Are you sure about-?"

"Shut up, Arlert."

"Yes, Sir," the other smiled.

They found Hanji first- or heard, one always heard Hanji before they saw Hanji- barking orders at a small group of soldiers clearly not yet used to the psychopath's shit. And just beyond… Erwin. Going over papers with some others Levi didn't know.

He approached them.

"We can't send them too far," the commander was saying. "We can't have them running out of rations while they're still away."

"There's a small village about a month east," Levi spoke before he thought, approaching them. "As for identifying surroundings, just frigging bring Arlert. Kid literally knows more shit than he should."

"Oh, I'm aware," Erwin replied, tone light. "He was just very adamant to tell me he was needed elsewhere for an undisclosed amount of time."

Gray eyes slid to the younger man, who, at one time, would have been a nervous wreck in the situation. Now he shrugged. "Eren would not let me out of the stranglehold until I agreed," he stated flatly.

The raven head scoffed. He believed it. And now knew where the brunette had mysteriously wandered off to after the 'request' for his death had been handed down. "Shitty-ass fucking brat," he mumbled.

"So," the commander smiled. "Decide humanity isn't a piece of shit?"

"Oh, no, Erwin. If there's one thing I know now more than ever, it's that humanity id definitely a piece of shit. Here, at least, I can visit the one man this world has seen that wasn't. And he's overdue for a visit- excuse me."

He was almost surprised he had a shadow leaving the slaw-jawed men behind. Almost.

Levi ignored him until he was in front of Eren's grave again. There was something akin to relief in it, something like coming home that wasn't quite it. "Still babysitting me, Arlert?"

"Have you ever been in one of Eren's strangleholds, Corporal?"

That should be funny, should be followed up with a retort about the brunette being too busy trying to get out of his own, but he wasn't laughing. "Don't call me that, Arlert. A fucking title I never wanted."

"You said you missed it here."

"That is not what I said."

"You came back willingly."

"Go away, Arlert; I just want five fucking minutes on my own." He heard the stubborn ass go, even if only a few feet. It would have to be enough. His steel gaze lifted to the stone, to the perfect lettering. "I tried, Eren," he said slowly. "I tried going out into the world without you. It's still miserable. I can't enjoy it, not without you with me to share it. Why?" he asked, sob catching in his throat. "Why wouldn't you just run away with me?"

He knelt in front of the stone for hours, tears not ceasing until late in the day.

Being miserable was exhausting.

He still couldn't being himself to move.

Footsteps. Not Arlert's- he was still about ten feet away taking a piss behind a tree. This was a woman, almost alongside him now, with a bouquet of wildflowers. Out of the roses and daffodils and what-the-fuck-ever's already present, they were clearly the most beautiful. "Corporal Levi," she said. "I didn't realize you were back in the city."

"…Don't do that."

To his surprise, she didn't ask what he was talking about, knew he meant polite conversation around the giant elephant, offering him a small smile. "Eren did say you never beat around the bush."

For the first time, he turned to her. She stood taller than he, just about everyone over the age of fifteen stood taller than he did, dark hair, warm eyes, and probably just a little older than him too. "You knew Eren?" he asked.

"He used to bring my kids candy every weekend he wasn't out on a mission."

Levi searched his memory. "You're Karen."

"Nice to finally meet you."

The man turned away, eyes back on the gravestone. "He tried to get me to go with him a few times; kids have never been my strong suit."

"They aren't toddlers; they're nearly teenagers."

"My only experience with those is attempting to make sure they don't end up as titan bait."

"They're pretty self-sufficient at this point. I know Andrew wants to join the Survey Corps when he's old enough; my youngest, of course," she sighed with a little laugh. "But speaking of them, I should probably get back to make them dinner; they're not going to be pleased I ended up being gone all day."

Levi saw the flowers again. Wildflowers. "Where did you get those?"

"Just outside Maria. I thought he'd appreciate them."

They were inside Maria, but she would've had to have been up before dawn, surely on her feet until now… "You literally spent all day getting some flowers?"

"Flowers for Eren. Not everyone wanted him executed, you know. I couldn't bring myself to go, had the worst time explaining it to the children…" She looked down at the man, still on his knees in front of his lover's grave. "It would mean a lot to us if you would join us for dinner, just as someone who knew him so well. I'm sure you have some stories we'd love to hear."

"Most of my stories aren't appropriate for children."

"Then focus on the ones that are. Like I said, they're not toddlers."

This woman was pretty interesting. He bet she had some stories too.

Levi hadn't been sure exactly why he'd wanted to come back here, but… was this why? To know there were others who missed Eren besides himself?

He stood slowly, nearly numb legs protesting the change in position. After holding steady a moment or two, he looked up to her. "I'd like that, but I should warn you, I haven't seen a proper bath in a couple months."

"I mean no offense, but I noticed. It's fine. At the end of the day, we're all tired and worn."

That was true. Turning to follow her out, he glanced over his shoulder.

Armin was gone.


End file.
